Going Away

My mom passed me the GMC bulletin for this week. Took me a while to realize that this was the first one that I've had zero input on. I had heard about some of the... responses to it by then, and while I was surprised, I think the attitude I reacted with was one of distance.

It's getting easier and harder all at once. Letting go. Going away. I'm comfortable (already!) with the new, semi-flexi schedule for Sundays. It will probably be a lot more poignant this week once I clear my desk of all the things that belong to me...

Still, hearing and knowing about things that are happening, that I could have input on, or could help do stuff to hopefully make better, that is when a struggle happens. The idea of walking on, walking away, letting those who have the power and the interest now, those who need to step up, goes to war at once with my "I can fix this!" mentality. Over the years I've learned to let go.. but now it seems all the more alive, except it comes at a time when its supposed to be non-existent.

A bunch of people have asked why I didn't go for the Youth Camp in 2010. My official response was that I had a wedding and a wedding rehearsal to manage. Which is true. But the real reason, is the very same reason why I've took steps to gradually back out of the various things I was involved in.

I couldn't commit to the youth. I couldn't be the big brother to them at this time, to be there in person and in spirit, when they would be broken down and needing someone to be there. Because... very soon, I would not be around. Sure, I could still be in contact while not being there in GMC, but would that work out? I don't think so.

These, my dear, young, brothers and sisters, would be on an adventure. An adventure that tied them close to Grace, and by His grace, together they would grow. Mentors and others who would step up will appear to guide them through it, bring them closer to this body called Grace Methodist. They will grow and become leaders, but they would need those who are present to guide them, to help them to stand as life and maturity begins to open up to them. Those who would be around.

I sound like I'm trying to justify my decision to myself. Heh. I'm not though. Certain things were clear to me. I guess its just that the right things to do at the right time don't always seem like good things to do at that time. Perhaps that is something to learn, once more.

Come Thursday, let us dance those final days, within these familiar halls, till the winds draw me far and wide, till I come home, one day, once more.