winning

alrite, a proper post for once. heh.

feeling pretty high right now, for one simple reason.

we won! hahahhaa.

me and merv and chern wern played winning 11 11 (aka PES 08) from 6pm allllll the way till 1030pm (tho CW left arnd 9), just trying to win the world cup on professional mode (4 stars - the max is 5 stars *shudder*).

Now i've never been a big fan of soccer games; watching is fine, but playing? nah..
Untill. We got it at 79. Man that has changed things.

In a bid to... fit in? not quite the words to use; its more of a choice to want to spend time with these brothers (and occasional sister) playing a game... I decided to start playing WE11. Come to think of it, it really does matter who i play with. I don't feel any urge to play it when i'm alone, even tho i think i should, just to pick up the skills needed to play better in a team. but now, when the oppurtunity arises, i put aside even what i would want to do (like tonight, to go home and play WoW), to play with... almost, abandon.

but then now, spending time in such a manner does bring about certain feelings within. in example, today was a rather good day of play by me, and i even scored the winning goal! that feels really good. but on other days, when i make mistakes, when i just can't concentrate... i feel horrible.

i corrolate these emotions to the ones i get playing foosball and frisbee... i get the same feelings. a good friend once told me that, isn't the fun in frisbee the running, the catching, the playing with friends? i find that hard to relate to... but i'm gradually beginning to see that point, and even integrate it into my life. it does bring a certain... contentment. that is good. : )

but even so, the desire to win... wow its relentless. and when i do win a good challenge, the euphoria is... amazing. merv and me were exchanging hi-5ves, laughing, and basically making a lot of noise when we won. and these were heart-felt emotions.

but in the same back-firing way, when we didn't win (and we didn't quite a bit), i feel a great deal of fustration... especially towards team-mates who didn't pull thier weight. I get that a lot. and... i don't like it... i don't like getting antogonistic towards people, even if they didn't perform. i guess thats something i have to work out.

on a side note tho, is the need for a fair challenge. I find it frustrating when i am against obviously much stronger opponents, to the extent i give up easily. On the flip side, i find 'bullying' 'weaker' opponents a feeling i dislike as well... and call me sexist, but esp to girls. heh. (granted i have been trashed by the ladies often... cue scrabulous) i often tread the fine line between looking down on them, and wanting to give a good enough challenge to encourage them, while still winning.

Naturally, that often backfires. but when i lose in such a manner, i don't feel that bad... i give the excuse of giving chance. sometimes i wonder if its just an excuse and if i really did give chance. haha.

back on topic... winning... i think its great. and i really like winning. heh. but as in all things, i don't like losers... well, more like i don't like the emotions i would feel losing, being placed on someone else. and that sorta kills quite a bit of the competiveness in me.

i wonder how it is with others?

i wonder how it is with God?


on a sidenote... i'ld imagine the euphoria God must feel whenever someone chooses to listen to Him, chooses to obey Him, chooses Him as Lord of thier lives. or the hi-5ves going around when a child of God decides to break free from thier old lives... much like scoring a goal it seems.

i'll keep that in mind.