Busy in a moment's notice.

Have not blogged in such a long time. Ah... feels a little weird actually. Most of my thoughts going into a book i find invariably precious now. I really love the pen and the paper. Should write about that someday. Hah.

Well anyway... the past few weeks have been probably the most messed up, yet wonderful, tiring, yet enthralling, difficult, yet enjoyable, painful, yet... comforting, weeks of my year. Maybe even my life.

Many things I could say now to try to express just that little bit of my version of reality that I see through immaterial eyes, but I think... not. My thoughts are a little of a mess now and again, and now is 'now', so I will wait for another day.

Hopefully, will have a relatively different looking layout the next time I blog. Finally finishing up on it although its been like 70% complete since my last post.

For many who may read this, I'll just like to end off by saying I really would like to apologise for taking our friendship for granted, but I will say that you will always be in my mind time and again, and when you are, I will pray for you. I'm only starting to learn how to manage off my time with the things I have to do, and somehow I always end up with little to no time to spend trying to reply an email, or call someone, much less to say go out with someone. Sigh. It seems like I'm always busy in a moment's notice.

But God is faithful. And as long He, you, and I are willing to give something of ourselves, I believe something good will happen.

Heck I feel like sharing something now. Its been on my mind for a long time, perhaps impounded by something that happened yesterday, but is nevertheless something I want to work on as I realise I'm not a very... good friend I guess. Somewhere along the paths of life I lost what it means to be a friend... at least I'm trying to find my way back now, but I still feel that I probably don't express the amount of concern and care that I should, even though I have that amount of love in my heart. Does it make sense? After all, its futile in a way. But I guess I don't feel... comfortable? If that be the word. Its... hard for me at times to open up, or even to talk, or be talked to, with close friends, much less to say casual friends. I don't know why. Many things that I would love to talk about invaraibly slip from my mental consciousness when I am actually talking... Which is perhaps why my written self, be it ICQ, MSN, blog, is alot more... expressive. And so many things I would love to share with, or talk about, or ask about, get lost in the waves of... something that overflows into me, whenever I'm with people. It takes a serious conscious effort perhaps, to remember these things, and I think that perhaps is one of the things lacking in the friendships I have. I can only pray that God gives me the strength to grow as such.

All those goin tru tough times at the moment, don't give up on hope. Don't give up on yourself. Give up perhaps many things you hold dear, give up time, give up desires, give up even feelings... But don't lose yourself to despair. For me, giving up my life, every single moment, word, movement, every single bit of living, hoping, feeling, all these things I gave up to God. And that... has changed my 21st year of life. Even if I fall... He's there to catch me.