mood swings

every now and again, i get into this mood.

this depressive, moody, sourness. this dissatisfaction and uncontent
of the soul with the world that surrounds. it becomes as unreasonable,
as torrid, as stubborn, as immature, as one could possibly be. it
sinks into tardiness, laziness, and generally being plain nasty.

i wonder if this is that which is termed "the dark side of the soul"?

or was that the moon? eh whatever. not like it matters.

i hate it. i hate this side of my person. i forget God, forget His
grace, mercy, love, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, joy, peace,
patience. I don't mind dwelling on how He could be just. heh. whatever
brings misery as such, to those who have wronged me, caused me pain,
make me feel stupid, or weak, or cowardly. oh what a good feeling it
would bring to be justified!

wait. wait. wait.

as the mind clears... as the fog lifts... you, and i, begin to
realise, something is not quite right.

the Judge of all mankind has not yet made His judgement. the books
have yet to be open; the book of life, yet to be complete.

all this as i, and as you see, now, are but correction. a chance. to
rebuild, to restore, to reunite.

to mine eyes now, the line between justice and mercy, yet shimmers
into a mass of grey... a thin line of black and white yet stands, but
yet surrounding it is grey....

but, looking inwards then, the anvil of His word, and the hammer of
His love, come again and again, crafting out a life and its time of
godliness and righteousness; painful yet necessary; working out the
cold and bitterness and anger and hate and misery and evil that stains
my being.

that i may be made whole.

in that, i do take comfort... and thus do move on. time to swing out
of that mood then.