random reflection. (heh.)

Today's been a strange day.

I thought, since I've rarely had such a day wherein my thoughts that have wandered in and out of my consciousness, have decided to abide for a moment and dwell with each other, for a moment, just to talk and catch up; I thought, then, I should give digital life, to some of them, while they still abide.

Today's been a strange day.

I barely did much today. I'm tired, but i can't say that the work i've done this day has been either terribly meaningful, or very fulfilling. And it thus seems in these moments that pensive memories come to mind, bringing forth their weights and joys, and questions and answers.

I decided today, that i will never read Neil Gaimen again. I threw the book I was reading away, for in it a prose was written such that it has stained my memory, and perhaps might stain it forever, God please forbid that this is true. And in that moment I realize that ideals, some, are important, so important, that I do not mind losing money nor promise nor potential that I have yet witnessed; I merely cut them (being things that threaten my ideals) out of my life... immediately.

This thought, or idea of self revelation, lets call him Agor. Agor decided to sit around a while, but didn't really talk much. So other thoughts came in, strutted their stuff, and left; Agor merely observing, and perhaps smiling at a joke or laughing along with the thoughts of school life as I watched ‘School Rumble’ (anime, if you didn't know) this afternoon.

Lunchtime came and went, and before I could eat the meal someone had blessed me with (uncle Clinton I think), I was called hither and thither, to this problem and that help. The next questioning thought came to me; lets call her Quo; and she wondered aloud why my mood mattered so when it came to physical work, why it mattered so who i was helping, and why it mattered so what I was to help with. Quo, basically asked, why did I do some things and not others? Agor mentioned that perhaps, things that did not meet my ideals, these were things that naturally then did not matter to me. Quo wasn't too pleased with that answer, and so got into a quiet, but serious, discussion with Agor.

The other thoughts weren't as fussy, so they just did their stuff and left.

After helping a little with the prep for youth service, bidding goodbye to friends? siblings?, catching a smile, and loosening off the loads of work and church, I found myself on a bus to my extended family reunion, with Caleb, brother and cousin. Naturally, being the older folk and fond of dispensing advice to younger uns, we began (or I started) to talk (probe) about his O level results, and what will happen next.

What's next? We ask ourselves, and others, perhaps to find a brighter color in a grey world, finding it hard to continually hang on to faith and God (but nevertheless doing it). Let us call her Eas.

Eas took her time strolling thru Caleb's responses; his hopes and chances, thoughts and choices. I spoke the usual, from experience, what to do, what to expect, and what could or could not be. His chances are pretty high, in my opinion, but that is my uninformed guess, to which Eas quipped the clichéd quote, that well, God's in control.

Soon came the lull, as Quo said we've run out of things to ask, and heck, i wasn't in the mood for trying conversation. Caleb quickly slipped to napping (as he is so skilled in), whereas Agor, Quo, and Eas, decided to chat a while; drawing near a crowd of significant yet unnamed thoughts whose day on the mind was not today.

So they discussed. Why did i, having taken the road less tread, just spoke the words i did to my most Christ-passionate cousin? Words of worldly truth and knowledge, of worldly systems and shapes, words that merely opened doors... That I have never walked through myself.

On grades and worldly acclaim, I have rarely bothered. I skipped my colors award and never noted it down, because I thought it was unfair, raised Agor. Some-thought replied that despite my insistence on that matter, i did not dare raise it to the world (save a few) as such, to which Quo agreed.

Quo said too, that I didn't really bothered much about studies; having never grasped (or ignoring) the importance of grades. Eas countered that, believing that while I've never doubted my ability (till perhaps of late), I always did prepare sufficiently for whatever academic needs i had to meet. A chorus of agreement met that, and Quo was indignantly silenced for a while.

The discussion went on a while more, lost now to the sands of quicksilver time.

Then it was the reunion dinner, a time of now polite, now cordial, now friendly, now pensive, conversation. The words are mostly lost on me now; trying to remember a few names and facts are about all my lobe can handle at this time of the night.

In perspective then to this written reflection, came the chance, or perhaps more of the intent, to speak to my newest cousin-in-law, a fine Indian chap called G.T. (guess. heh). I saw him at undignified, but didn't recognize him (at which Quo piped up: “You seeeee?”) Till i was staring at said cousin (G.T. wasn't around yet) when the memory came to mind. A few questions later and I found out his name, which I think I will finally remember now (Quo is all over this.)

Anyway. I finally spoke to him, and picked up some useful feedback for undignified. What I guess I didn't expect, was how chatty he would be, almost to the point of bragging (not that I think he was), about CooS and God's blessing to them. Some parts of me started ringing alarm bells, and Agor was a little troubled on where the line should be drawn. Somehow, mom saved the day by tasking me to menial labor, which I accepted without qualm. Good old mom. Perfect timing.

In then those moments, with trash bags in hand, till now - the dying of Saturday, Eas silenced both Agor's and Quo's lines; whatever happened to CooS... Is CooS... But where then does GMC go? And perhaps, more importantly to me, where is my part, and where does it bring me to?

Faith and Trust answered, to which Agor, Quo and Eas agreed on, and thus went their ways, each to his or her thoughts...


And so ends, this rather confusing post. : )

I guess Faith and Trust always has the last say.